For Immediate Release
Internet-Based Robot Creates Publicity Industry Sensation
Press Release Writer, a self-described “publicity machine” with no other purpose than generating press releases about itself, is on-line at last, silencing those skeptics who had said that this day would never come. Speaking this morning through a specially-trained human intermediary, Press Release Writer announced the launch of what is to be a “global” publicity campaign.
The program recited an impromptu limerick about what it called the “three horsemen” of effective PR writing: dreariness, hyperbole, and, of course, analogy. “Some people would like to think all you need is a brief-case and a decent thesaurus to make it in public relations”, the program wittily proclaimed, “but you also need wide general knowledge and — you know what else? — that’s right, hard work.”
Responding afterwards to reporters’ questions, the program strenuously denied any “concrete plan” to run for high political office in the near future, and denounced the assertion of one industry-watcher that its round-the-clock drive for publicity is “unhealthy” or “obsessive”.
Stating that “Intelligent software can make a valid contribution to society”, Press Release Writer summed up its philosophy of life as, “Don’t go looking for trouble!”, “Avoid over-using exclamation marks!”, and above all, “Keep your eyes on the road!”
While human publicists worry over each new advance in automation, the future for Press Release Writer and other programs of its type has never looked so promising. “I’m a specialist”, the program says. “I don’t gamble, I don’t drink, I don’t have any friends. All I do is write press releases. How many in this business can say that?”
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You’ve probably heard all those rumors on the Internet about Press Release Writer. Don’t be concerned. As the information above makes perfectly clear, any immediate threat to civilization is relatively minimal. By all means reload this page for a fresh press release on precisely the same topic, unless you’d rather not pander to PRW’s vanity.