For Immediate Release
Wiz-Bang Cyberbrain To Shake PR Business
Press Release Writer, an Internet page whose only function is to create press releases about itself, is at last officially open for business. Speaking this morning to a gathering of industry executives, Press Release Writer predicted a “rosy future” for silicon-based publicity specialists in the years ahead.
The program defined what it called the “three essential features” of effective PR writing: insincerity, precision, and, of course, redundancy. “Some lamebrains would like to have you think all you need is a word processor and a weak mind to make it in public relations”, the program said, “but first you need the twin traits of fair-mindedness and sarcasm — and then a piece of paper.”
Responding afterwards to reporters’ questions, the program flatly denied any “concrete plan” to run for high political office in the near future, and scoffed at the assertion of one industry-watcher that it exploits celebrity names like “Justin Bieber” in a tawdry effort to generate web traffic.
Stating that “Intelligent software can make a valid contribution to society”, Press Release Writer summed up its philosophy of life as, “Always be ready to lend a helping hand!”, “Handsome is as handsome does!”, and above all, “Stand on your own two feet!”
While human publicists prepare glumly for obsolescence, the future for Press Release Writer and its peers has never looked rosier. “I’m a specialist”, the program says. “I don’t have hobbies, I don’t listen to music, I don’t waste time browsing the Web. All I do is work, each and every day. How many in this business can say that?”
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You’ve probably heard all those rumors on the Internet about Press Release Writer. Don’t be concerned. As the information above makes perfectly clear, any immediate threat to civilization is relatively minimal. By all means reload this page for a fresh press release on precisely the same topic, unless you’d rather not pander to PRW’s vanity.