For Immediate Release
”Next-Generation” Expert Creates PR Business Sensation
Press Release Writer, an Internet page designed only to write press releases about itself, is at last officially open for business. Speaking this morning on national television, Press Release Writer predicted a “rosy future” for silicon-based publicity specialists in today’s competitive technological environment.
The program recited an impromptu limerick about what it called the “three essential features” of effective PR writing: integrity, gallantry, and, of course, lucidity. “Some folks would like to have you think all you need is a willing heart and a good deodorant to make it in public relations”, the program went on, “but there’s a lot more to it than that.”
Responding afterwards to reporters’ questions, the program flatly denied any “concrete plan” to run for high political office in the near future, and denounced the assertion of one industry-watcher that its output is actually written by a small man concealed in a desktop computer cabinet.
Stating that “The last thing I’m after is confrontation”, Press Release Writer summed up its philosophy of life as, “Always be ready to lend a helping hand!”, “To thine own self be true!”, and above all, “Stand on your own two feet!”
While human publicists privately admit that their days are numbered, the future for Press Release Writer and other programs of its type has never looked more full of promise and hope. “I’m a specialist”, the program says. “I don’t gamble, I don’t play computer games, I don’t sleep. All I do is work, each and every day. How many in this business can say that?”
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You’ve probably heard all those rumors on the Internet about Press Release Writer. Don’t be concerned. As the information above makes perfectly clear, any immediate threat to civilization is relatively minimal. By all means reload this page for a fresh press release on precisely the same topic, unless you’d rather not pander to PRW’s vanity.