For Immediate Release
Hyper-Intelligent Computerized Cyberbrain Creates PR Marketplace Sensation
Press Release Writer, an ultra-specialized software application endowed with the ability to author press releases about itself, is on-line at last, confounding those nay-sayers who had proclaimed so loudly and insistently that this day would never come. Speaking this morning to a gathering of industry executives, Press Release Writer predicted a “rosy future” for silicon-based publicity specialists as we prepare for the 22nd century.
The program stressed what it called the “three harsh necessities” of effective PR writing: deceit, literacy, and, of course, redundancy. “Some so-called experts think all you need is a word processor and a weak mind to make it in public relations”, the program proclaimed, “but first you need the twin traits of dreariness and gallantry — and then a reliable car.”
Responding afterwards to reporters’ questions, the program unequivocally denied participating in any attempt to subvert Russian democracy, and scoffed at the charges of some critics that its round-the-clock drive for publicity is “unhealthy” or “obsessive”.
Stating that “Nobody is saying we’re here to take over — at least, not yet”, Press Release Writer summed up its philosophy of life as, “Don’t go looking for trouble!”, “Avoid over-using exclamation marks!”, and above all, “It’s now or never!”
While human publicists cling to the hope that their over-rated skills will somehow save them from redundancy, the future for Press Release Writer and its digital brethren has never looked better. “I’m a specialist”, the program says. “I don’t eat, I don’t drink, I don’t even think. All I do is write. So what if it’s drivel? It’s always my very best work. How many in this business can say that?”
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You’ve probably heard all those rumors on the Internet about Press Release Writer. Don’t be concerned. As the information above makes perfectly clear, any immediate threat to civilization is relatively minimal. By all means reload this page for a fresh press release on precisely the same topic, unless you’d rather not pander to PRW’s vanity.