The future used to have so much promise, with its flying cars and its robot butlers, but then it turned bleak, with unbreathable air and unendurable temperatures. From bright and benevolent to miserable and malign, the future’s profile was on the wrong trajectory. It was on the ropes. It needed help fast. The future needed Elon Musk.

And along he came. Some have suspected that with his curious name, his slightly odd affect, and his persistent habit of introducing humanity to valuable new technologies, Elon Musk might be a benevolent alien. However, it is important to remember that he also might not be.

With that in mind, settle back and...

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